Coming of Age:
I'm tryin to step up to the next level, pushin Vettes to the Jets
Diamonds reflect from the sun, directly in your equilibirum
and stunned I'm waitin for my day to come....


I am 23years and 94 days old... where am I in life? I've got a Bachelor of Arts. I am living in my father's attic with my boyfriend. I am unemployed with no savings.

"The term coming of age is also used in reference to different media such as stories, songs, movies, etc. that have a young character or characters who, by the end of the story, have developed in some way, through the undertaking of responsibility, or by learning a lesson"

I was not supposed to be here. I was supposed to be blossoming in a career of some sort, making enough money to cover the bills and still have some extra to go out with the girls or splurge on an outfit here and there. I was supposed to head to work in my car and come home after a long day have dinner and a glass of wine. I am not there.

Coming Of Age- the attainment of prominence, respectability, recognition, or maturity

I suppose my coming of age came too soon. I was such an old soul in my youth. Was wise beyond my time and didn't know it. Then at some point Life caught up with me and I somehow got stuck. I don't feel 23. I feel like an 18year old hs graduate with no ambition.

The worst part is, it is do or die. There is no room for falling off. This is my life lol the thing that cracks me up is that I'm ok. I suppose the power of love is a force far more powerful than we as humans can comprehend. The signs were always there. People go to war for their love of God. People kill themselves for the love or lack of love for self and/or others. We can love somebody else enough to risk life and limb for them, and love ourselves too much to show anybody else we care. So i suppose it is no grand miracle that my love for Bklyn keeps me sane. It provides me with the right amount of happiness to keep myself from being stressed.


A Rose grows in Brooklyn

i guess love means indescribable pain sometimes...and inexplicable happiness other times...

his dreams

its like walking barefoot on broken glass... every step at first a sharp painful stab but soon, each tip toe turns numb and its as if im not walking at all... a slow leak through bits of glass and skin, as the flesh clots to each piece fusing it to the bottom of my feet... that's what it feels like when he goes silent...when he shuts off his heart and closes his mind... that's what his nightmares do to my soul... i cant wipe the tears he refuses to cry, i cant ease the pain that only his eyes show... he turns to stone, and the ground below me shatters...bright red drops highlighting the way home...

finding my own perfection

per·fect

/adj., n. ˈpɜrfɪkt; v. pərˈfɛkt/ Show Spelled[adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]

–adjective

1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

2. excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

3. exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

4. entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

5. accurate, exact, or correct in every detail.

6. thorough; complete; utter

7. pure or unmixed

8. unqualified; absolute

9. expert; accomplished; proficient.

10. unmitigated; out-and-out; of an extreme degree

there are another 12 definitions of Perfect....which got me thinking.. we as people obsess over finding Perfection; perfection within ourselves, perfection in our lives, perfection in our relationships...
but I've realized we're all in search for a word that does not even possess a solid definition. So what is it that we're really searching for?? Perhaps it is a reaffirmation of self-worth, or maybe even the everlasting hunt for the meaning of life. Society has built us to strive for something more as individuals, to earn more money, build upon our education as much as possible, have MORE of anything in order to be SUCCESSFUL... the American Dream is to make money and go to your big house after work and park your car in the driveway and kiss your family hello. People risk death crossing oceans and borders to have a piece of this American dream because to them its Perfection. We spend our whole lives trying to build upon this theory when in reality, we're fighting for a word that doesn't even really exist. The true summary of all of these definitions is essentially the lack of flaws...but a flaw to one person is a wonderful asset to another...so upon finding something that u care about so much so that the "flaws" don't matter to you....haven'[t we all got our own perfections already?

quixotic thoughts and outlandish emotions...
a Rose grows in Brooklyn

questions

is this really what i wanted?

am i as good a person as i claim to be?

what am i doing?

where am i going?

do i care?

do u care?

hell, does anybody care?

why?

what do i want?

is this really where i should be?

is it worth it?

am i right?

am i wrong?

what next?

where do i go?

what do i do?

damn...

take my hand

i was watching 'did u hear about the morgans' (in utter boredom) & one line stood out to me...i cant remember it word for word but it was along the lines of a couple that still laughs together has something worth making work...some shit like that

so i got to thinking

at the beginning of every relationship, its all smiles and laughs...every problem in ur life becomes obsolete and at least for now, the adolescent joy n infatuation u share makes everyday bright...but at some point the smiles fade and the laughter dies down, until one day ur forced to realize when there were more bad times than good...& if u still want it as bad as u did when everything was sunny skies, then do u just need to learn how to laugh again??

im bitter...im broken..n most of all im incomplete....n 12months later i find myself desperately looking for a solution...ive run myself ragged to clinical dismay with no clue as to what to do, say, think to make myself ok...n all the while i look at my inability to let go as a sign that i was right in the first place, n i wasnt crazy for KNOWING who wwas the one...

this is truly outlandish

this surpasses quixotic

and im clearly struggling

impervious to reality

Jasmin Rose

birthday candles

its my birthday ^_^... n i have so many wishes that 23 candles will not suffice... ive promised myself twenty-four hours of happiness...even if its fake, even if its forced...until midnight tonight i will forget all my problems and just be...

which means that tomorrow im goin in on a blog about how i really feel

but until then...candle number one...close my eyes and blow

Jasmin rose