Welcome Back

guess who's back!
I don't know why i stayed away for so long. As much as many of my posts are random thoughts combined in an, almost, organized form, they're really just random thoughts lol. And in the few short months that I stopped blogging, I realized how much this is therapy for me in a sense. Sometimes I just need to write about, well, nothing. Just to get it off my chest...and I have a ton of shit sitting on my chest right now

SO!!!

Let me start with promoting a  blog... I like reading blogs that are worth reading, say something inspirational, or better yet, say something honest. You get tired of reading heartbreak stories every once in a while (i confess i have greatly contributed to the heartbreak) but its nice to see some insight from people now and then...SO...

http://conphlict3.blogspot.com

read it....

Next...an update on my whirlwind love life... I'm engaged again lmao our breakup was temporary but we decided engagement wasn't where we needed to be at the time... but then Sept 17 he got down on one knee this time and put a fat diamond on my finger so0o0o yea.....
Also, I'm still in pursuit of a dream... I can't quite share it with you guys yet because I don't want to jinx myself.. I'm chasing a few dreams actually so we'll see what happens next...


ok...3 months of random thoughts::
*Dream chasing… Everybody talks about it but thats the problem- EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT IT …of all these people who talk about following their dreams and chasing success to the ends of the world, how many are really doing it if they have all this time to talk about it?

*I don’t want to sit here and paint a Christian picture of myself… I’m rather mixed about my religion… Bring raised in the Catholic church n being put in Catholic school k-12 I wonder if I believe in God because I was told to my whole life or because its what I truly believe… Im def not Catholic , no offense to u that are… But heres my thing… There are hundreds of religions in the world, all center around a higher power if some sort, some even have multiple higher powers… But all in all u can’t tell anybody their religion is wrong… Muslims know their truths, Christians know theirs, Jews, etc… So how can everybody be right? Its impossible… I will concede to the fact that everyone agrees on some sort of higher power…n theres no way billions of people have been wrong forever lol… So in my book there is a God…he or she (or maybe even them) is somewhere doing something…
I also believe in fate and reason… Cliche as it is, everything happens for a reason and everyone serves a purpose in our lives… When it feels like nothings right, thats fate (or God’s) way of telling us we’re falling off the map… Now free will gives us the freedom to choose our paths, but the destination is the same no matter that we do…
There was a line in the mummy 2 that stood out to me n my theory is a play on it…i refuse to misquote so when I get the chance ill post it LoL

*
One of my favorite quotes is “Maybe all your dreams haven’t come true but neither have all your nightmares”
Sometimes things in life go wrong and at times it may feel like things will never get better. But instead of wallowing we have to take that as a sign that we’re heading in the wrong direction… Jer 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for u, Declares the Lord, plans to prosper u and not to harm u, plans for hope and a future”
I apologize if I misquoted…but when things go smooth its Gods way of telling us we’re back on the right path… So take a look at ur lives (not to get preachy on u guys but Ive been seeing a lot of people complain about their lives n feeling lost ) but find the learning in ur pain… Things may suck right now but maybe thats a cue that u need to change something in ur life… N the best place to start is by changing ur attitude..

*What else could i possibly have to say? A whole lot of things….but I shall keep it short…

I’ve come to notice something about the word “dream”…it has especially replaced the word “goal”, but why? Perhaps it is society’s way of coping with falling short or maybe we as people expect less of ourselves than we should. Think about it, how often do you hear people say “my dream was abc but…” If they don’t do everything they once hoped to do Or “my dreams came true” when something exceeds their expectations… I may be wording myself poorly but I’ve got eye boogers and bad breath lolol what I’m trying to say is the word dream represents something essentially fictitious…but we as people have embedded it into our vocabulary to represent potential. Potential is real; Set goals, not dreams.
Of course this brings to mind a “what to do if you don’t reach your goals” post lol but i think i've said enough today


quixotic thoughts & outlandish emotions
I'm Impervious to Reality
Jasmin Rose <3

Temporary Happiness

it seems as though every time things are just starting to get back on track...the train derails... what kind of random, once in a lifetime shit...its crazy

with the shocking and random events that occurred last night in mind, i suddenly thought to myself 2 completely unrelated things...that in turn have everything to do with one another..

1- Could you drop EVERYTHING and Everyone in your life in pursuit of a specific goal?
its funny cause i saw a quote this morning that said "Sometimes we have to decide between sacrificing for opportunity and sacrificing opportunity"
made me think

2- Why do women think that when they have a baby, they are the ones in control of everything regarding that child?
Now I can completely understand in a single parent situation. If the father just isn't there then hey rock on... but what if the father wants to be there? What is it with women that makes them think the title Mother is more heavily weighed than Father? is it the 9months of carrying the baby? Cause yea, you carried the child...but the child is still only 50% your DNA...So why is it that society, the legal system, everything...is bias toward the mother?
It completely disgusts me to see mothers deny fathers the opportunity to be there for a child. Or even set stipulations as to how the father should be living, and how the woman decides what the best life for her child is and the father just has to agree. No. That's bullshit. Yes it's your child but it's his child too. So why is it that women are the only ones who have a say? I'm a woman and it boggles my fuckin mind. Granted, I don't have children so I can't understand the whole maternal thing right now, but I am somebody's child. And I've been a witness to a lot of disgusting shit that I could never understand. I'll have a hysterectomy before I become somebody's 'Baby Momma'. . .

and with all of that said...
Theres a rock in the very core of my stomach...
and a voice in the back of my mind
SCREAMING at me to brace myself... because Intuition never really fails... and i feel like something is about to happen that is ultimately going to change the rest of my life...

lets see how this goes

outlandish...quixotic...and crazy
Jasmin Rose

monotone narratives

so i'm back to the monotone narratives that started this whole blog... i'm ok for those of you who are wondering, love has a funny way of exposing itself. its the superglue in the cracks of life LOL... i have an image in my head right now that i can't quite verbalize... it'd be too easy to say love is the superglue of a broken heart... because its more than that...

anyway

Mad Cobra is playing on my speakers but i can barely hear it... i can't see the outside cause there are no windows around my desk, prison cell... i can still feel the fog, the glare of the lights exposes how dark it really is outside... its that "i want to break open the floodgates" dark, but its not going to pour... it'll drizzle slowly for hours...kind of like the heavens are trying to fight their tears...she's too proud to let us see her cry, but pride can't hide the pain in her eyes...



Jasmin Rose

Profound Eloquence

When i was younger, everything i said was the most profound thing in the world. I was full of curiosity and misery and found ways to make my lack of satisfaction sound like the most beautiful thing ever. Now I'm older, not so sure about being wiser quite yet (lol) and I've found something that fills me with more emotions then there are words for. And yet I can only describe it with the same set of words arranged in a different order every time. You would think that Love would be a muse capable of bringing out the poet in me...but it seems as though misery has been my muse. I don't have the desire to write much anymore, just to live. if love is my cure for creativity... then i suppose its time for me to tuck away my pen and paper... im not going anywhere... im jus done with my random poems and profound statements...im in the early chapters of my book...perhaps this section is about fairytales...so on the day to day is another fable to share...so i can't leave because my stories arent going anywhere ;-) Jasmin *Rose*

My life aint Rosey...but I roll with it

i thought i knew love, i love my family, i love my friends...i even have superficial loves with inanimate objects...in my life ive come to love and forget and love and remember...ive had my fair share of broken hearts n dished out a few myself

but this love?

this love takes my breath away...this love sets my soul on fire...this love makes me wanna scream to high heaven...this love makes my blood boil...this love makes my cheeks hurt...

this love proves to me that there are powers at hand far beyond our comprehension ... theres a higher being somewhere out there because nothing natural could have even thought of these feelings...i love myself, more than ill admit most days, but i love u more than anything else on this earth...id lay my life on the line for u without a doubt... id fight a peanut butter covered spider in a room full of waterbugs during a thunder storm for u...

i love u so much it hurts to breathe when ur gone, i have a panic attack at the idea of u not being by my side when i go to sleep & wake up, i think about u all day, but most of all i just want u to be happy...i want u to be stress free and satisfied....i want u to have the world...

this shit bugs me out and scares the hell out of me...i dont know what to call these feelings i have for u because i honestly feel like im doing myself no justice by calling it love...the word itself seels like its fallen short of explaining how i feel...i love u to death. i love u to life, i love u everything in between. . . .i love u so much i feel it in my spirit...i love u , im in love with u i want to spend the rest of my life with u...

a lot of people say they want FOREVER until they realize what that means...forever means without end...i understand forever and still have and want it with u...my love for u runs so deep within my spirit within my soul that its not gonna b "til death do us part"... this love f is eternal, its unconditional, its honest & without judgement... but most of all- its yours and yours only... devon a lewis...a promise is comfort for a fool so i give a solemn vow,a a pledge, i straight hand u my heart and say here... cause nothing is ever going to come close in any lifetime.... i love u

ROSE

once upon a time

I sat down and started thinking to myself:

What is it about fairy tales that makes people go crazy???

As little kids we obsesses over them dying to be princesses and knights and as adults we're just as bad. We all fall victim to the nevereding search for a "fairytale" ending- a Happily Ever After. Then it hit me, One day in the midst of ranting about the unrealistic fantasies of fairytale dreams I realized how much fairy tales were tied to the real world.

Think about all the fairytales you know. Cinderella, Princess & the Frog, Beauty & The Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid etc...now subtract the BIGGEST element that connects them- MAGIC. When you take away Cinderella's fairy godmother and Sleeping Beauty's cursed spinning wheel, you've stripped the story down to something real. Cinderella is just a story about a girl trying to escape an abusive parent. Sleeping Beauty is really just a plug for the foster care system. Beauty & the Beast? Classic girl falls for the ugly guy who really has more personality than the handsome, rich arrogant asshole. Princess & the Frog? Cocky, arrogant, charismatic, handsome jerk falls for the one girl who sees past his bullshit. When the magic is gone, these are really just the same stories we share with each other throughout the years.

Even the storylines all follow the same formula as reality:

Boy meets girl + unnecessary drama involving everybody else's opinions + a learned lesson= happily ever after.

The problem is we forget the story doesnt end where the movie does. We're left with the image that the couple lived a life of never- ending happiness where love conquers all. Unless the sequel shows up, we never really know what happens down the line. Don't think for one second Belle never told the beast to shut up and control his temper. Naveen was a young, handsome ladies man, you really think marriage stopped that? All these stories imply a change for the better but you forget people will be themselves for life. Habits may change but the core of who we are stays the same. Im pretty sure Snow White got interrogated to no end about living with 7 men. And Jasmine? Don't ever assume she was ok with taking care of Al for the rest of his life. On top of that all of these hopeless romantics are teenagers. Ariel was what? 16? How long do you thing a marriage with a 16yr old girl is going to maintain bliss? As a result of this we have 21yr olds picking their 8yr olds up from school after a shift at Target. No to blame Disney for society's short comings but it definitely adds to the picture.

The best part about these fairy tales is the one thing that we over look- they have a human element that makes it possible for us to have our own "happily ever after". All these characters are really just as fucked up as the rest of us, so once we can accept the humanity within them, some of you may realize you've got prince charming or princess such and such by your side already- minus the fuss of pumpkins and poison apples =0]




A Rose Grows In Brooklyn

Coming of Age:
I'm tryin to step up to the next level, pushin Vettes to the Jets
Diamonds reflect from the sun, directly in your equilibirum
and stunned I'm waitin for my day to come....


I am 23years and 94 days old... where am I in life? I've got a Bachelor of Arts. I am living in my father's attic with my boyfriend. I am unemployed with no savings.

"The term coming of age is also used in reference to different media such as stories, songs, movies, etc. that have a young character or characters who, by the end of the story, have developed in some way, through the undertaking of responsibility, or by learning a lesson"

I was not supposed to be here. I was supposed to be blossoming in a career of some sort, making enough money to cover the bills and still have some extra to go out with the girls or splurge on an outfit here and there. I was supposed to head to work in my car and come home after a long day have dinner and a glass of wine. I am not there.

Coming Of Age- the attainment of prominence, respectability, recognition, or maturity

I suppose my coming of age came too soon. I was such an old soul in my youth. Was wise beyond my time and didn't know it. Then at some point Life caught up with me and I somehow got stuck. I don't feel 23. I feel like an 18year old hs graduate with no ambition.

The worst part is, it is do or die. There is no room for falling off. This is my life lol the thing that cracks me up is that I'm ok. I suppose the power of love is a force far more powerful than we as humans can comprehend. The signs were always there. People go to war for their love of God. People kill themselves for the love or lack of love for self and/or others. We can love somebody else enough to risk life and limb for them, and love ourselves too much to show anybody else we care. So i suppose it is no grand miracle that my love for Bklyn keeps me sane. It provides me with the right amount of happiness to keep myself from being stressed.


A Rose grows in Brooklyn

i guess love means indescribable pain sometimes...and inexplicable happiness other times...

his dreams

its like walking barefoot on broken glass... every step at first a sharp painful stab but soon, each tip toe turns numb and its as if im not walking at all... a slow leak through bits of glass and skin, as the flesh clots to each piece fusing it to the bottom of my feet... that's what it feels like when he goes silent...when he shuts off his heart and closes his mind... that's what his nightmares do to my soul... i cant wipe the tears he refuses to cry, i cant ease the pain that only his eyes show... he turns to stone, and the ground below me shatters...bright red drops highlighting the way home...