i guess love means indescribable pain sometimes...and inexplicable happiness other times...

his dreams

its like walking barefoot on broken glass... every step at first a sharp painful stab but soon, each tip toe turns numb and its as if im not walking at all... a slow leak through bits of glass and skin, as the flesh clots to each piece fusing it to the bottom of my feet... that's what it feels like when he goes silent...when he shuts off his heart and closes his mind... that's what his nightmares do to my soul... i cant wipe the tears he refuses to cry, i cant ease the pain that only his eyes show... he turns to stone, and the ground below me shatters...bright red drops highlighting the way home...

finding my own perfection

per·fect

/adj., n. ˈpɜrfɪkt; v. pərˈfɛkt/ Show Spelled[adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]

–adjective

1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

2. excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

3. exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

4. entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

5. accurate, exact, or correct in every detail.

6. thorough; complete; utter

7. pure or unmixed

8. unqualified; absolute

9. expert; accomplished; proficient.

10. unmitigated; out-and-out; of an extreme degree

there are another 12 definitions of Perfect....which got me thinking.. we as people obsess over finding Perfection; perfection within ourselves, perfection in our lives, perfection in our relationships...
but I've realized we're all in search for a word that does not even possess a solid definition. So what is it that we're really searching for?? Perhaps it is a reaffirmation of self-worth, or maybe even the everlasting hunt for the meaning of life. Society has built us to strive for something more as individuals, to earn more money, build upon our education as much as possible, have MORE of anything in order to be SUCCESSFUL... the American Dream is to make money and go to your big house after work and park your car in the driveway and kiss your family hello. People risk death crossing oceans and borders to have a piece of this American dream because to them its Perfection. We spend our whole lives trying to build upon this theory when in reality, we're fighting for a word that doesn't even really exist. The true summary of all of these definitions is essentially the lack of flaws...but a flaw to one person is a wonderful asset to another...so upon finding something that u care about so much so that the "flaws" don't matter to you....haven'[t we all got our own perfections already?

quixotic thoughts and outlandish emotions...
a Rose grows in Brooklyn

questions

is this really what i wanted?

am i as good a person as i claim to be?

what am i doing?

where am i going?

do i care?

do u care?

hell, does anybody care?

why?

what do i want?

is this really where i should be?

is it worth it?

am i right?

am i wrong?

what next?

where do i go?

what do i do?

damn...

take my hand

i was watching 'did u hear about the morgans' (in utter boredom) & one line stood out to me...i cant remember it word for word but it was along the lines of a couple that still laughs together has something worth making work...some shit like that

so i got to thinking

at the beginning of every relationship, its all smiles and laughs...every problem in ur life becomes obsolete and at least for now, the adolescent joy n infatuation u share makes everyday bright...but at some point the smiles fade and the laughter dies down, until one day ur forced to realize when there were more bad times than good...& if u still want it as bad as u did when everything was sunny skies, then do u just need to learn how to laugh again??

im bitter...im broken..n most of all im incomplete....n 12months later i find myself desperately looking for a solution...ive run myself ragged to clinical dismay with no clue as to what to do, say, think to make myself ok...n all the while i look at my inability to let go as a sign that i was right in the first place, n i wasnt crazy for KNOWING who wwas the one...

this is truly outlandish

this surpasses quixotic

and im clearly struggling

impervious to reality

Jasmin Rose

birthday candles

its my birthday ^_^... n i have so many wishes that 23 candles will not suffice... ive promised myself twenty-four hours of happiness...even if its fake, even if its forced...until midnight tonight i will forget all my problems and just be...

which means that tomorrow im goin in on a blog about how i really feel

but until then...candle number one...close my eyes and blow

Jasmin rose

this thing called love

this thing called love...its become a joke..people throw it around n use it so casually that we forget what its really about...u dont wake up one day and decide u love somebody, be it a friend, lover or family member...u grow into it, its a part of who u are- love is a state of being...its actions, its thoughts, its words, its body language, its motivation...its a force so powerful it takes away our free will...love can make life seem pointless while it can also become ur only reason to live.... love makes people stay in bad relationships and fight for dreams that never come true, love makes parents kill themselves to put a smile on their kids face, love makes u sacrifice wants and needs for the sake of this...this feeling... the feeling u get when the person u love is or isnt there...love makes u stay when u know u should leave, n the only thing that makes u leave is love again, but love for urself...love is sick, twisted, manipulative and deceitful...n what do people do? toss it around like a cheap toy... actions speak louder than words but talkin is an action...we talk love and live heartless...whats the point